WHEN YOU HAVE TO SAY GOODBYE TO YOUR BEST BUDDY...

Everyone loves puppies.  They are so cute with their fat little bellies and their puppy breath.  They play so hard and then fall fast asleep.  They grow so quickly and get into everything.  Then they seem to finally reach a stage where you seem to really start connecting.  They know what you're saying and they actually respond to some of the things you say, much to your pleasure and amazement.  They really become your pal.  They watch for you each day when they know it's about time for you to come home.  They wiggle their butts off, when you walk through the door.  They'll go anywhere with you, they just want to be with you.  You teach them tricks and in return they teach you love, patience, devotion and loyalty.  They don't ask for much but give you so much more in return.  They sense when you need them near and also when they should give you some space.  One day you notice that they are aging, happens all too soon.  Then that one day comes when you sense that something is wrong...you're hoping it's something minor and will be better tomorrow.  But, when it isn't you make an appointment to see their Vet and again hope that it's really nothing.  But, when it is, you have to make decisions that you never feel ready to make.  It seems easy enough to say that you want what is best for your pal, that you don't want them to suffer, out loud, but inside you feel sick and weep saying, No, please don't let this be so.  I just want to go on like we always have, I don't want to be without you.  You go home and know that you have the options to think about.  You don't want to decide, you don't want to think about it.  You just want your buddy to walk with you, put his or her face in your lap and please tell you what to do.  But, they can't.  You took them into your life and you knew that you would have to make decisions about their life.  But you only wanted it to be about what color collar to buy, if you should buy them a sweater for winter, not a decision about when they should no longer live.  You just want to hold them forever and make everything right.  You don't want them to suffer, but as long as they are with you, you don't feel like the absolute worst has happened yet.  We have had many dogs, but this story is about Mickie, the white and tan mix.  Mickie arrived at our house one day in a basket.  She had the longest ears and the longest nose.  She was one of the 13 puppies of my daughter's dog.  I told my daughter to pick one out for us and have her brother, my son, drop it off.  So, he arrived with our Mickie.  I did not instantly think that she she was the cutest dog that I had ever seen.  I usually like fuzzy pups, she was short haired, she was white and liver colored, had long skinny legs and a long tail.  But, anyway, we welcomed her into our menagerie.  She immediately began to show us more personality than all of our other dogs put together.  She was smart, never chewed anything she wasn't supposed to and just seemed so content and happy.  She became the delight of our life.  She loved to play catch outside for hours but would quit when you told her to.  She always seemed to be cold so we snuggled a lot under blankets and the covers of our bed.  I somehow thought that we would have her for a long time.  She was so healthy and active.  One day, she was dragging one paw.  I turned her paw over and picked around to see if she had a thorn or something, but she did not.  After a few days her paw hung further and further onto the ground.  I thought maybe her shoulder was injured, so I took her to her vet.  She had cancer and would have to have her front left leg amputated.  The vet said that they would have to do further test to determine if it was just in her shoulder or throughout her whole body.  He gave her months to a year and I took it.  When I went to pick her up after her surgery, she ran down the hall to me and I wept at the sight.  But she was alive and coming home, so I smiled through my tears.  She has a good year with us, but eventually her other three limbs swelled up while the rest of her body became skeletal.  But, she would lift her head each morning and wag her tail and would want her food and water.  I would carry her outside and she would go to the bathroom standing in one place.  I knew this could not go on like this forever.  I just wanted her to tell me what to do, somehow.  I was so lost in pain and sorrow with the thought of Mickie not being with us anymore.  I picked her up one morning to take her out and she couldn't stand.  I could hear cracking sounds in her limbs.  We had her on pain medications for the last few months, but, somehow I just knew today was the day.  I called our vet and couldn't even speak, my husband had to take the phone.  We carried her to the car and drove to the vet.  The staff was so kind and cried with us.  They asked if we wanted to stay.  I thought that I could, but I couldn't.  I wanted to run away with my Mickie, I couldn't stand it.  I hugged her and told her how much I loved her and how I hoped that she would understand and forgive me.  I felt so guilty...for everything...I looked back at the moment that she was looking around the vet assistant, directly at me.  I don't know if she was telling me that it was okay or to please not leave her.  We left and I just wanted to go back.  I didn't want them to follow through...but I knew they already had.  We had her cremated and collected our Mickie a week later.  She is sitting on my desk next to my computer at this moment.  It's been a few years. I still get a catch in my throat and cry many tears every time I hear her name, see a picture or think of her. I miss you Mickie, please have fun running around on all four of your legs.  Please don't forget me....I'll never forget you. 

Since Mickie passed, we've also lost Annie, our English Golden Retriever and Peanut, our 19 year old Terrier mix.  We've loved them all....it's just a bit different with Mickie.  She was younger and should have had so many more good ball catching years ahead of her.  But, the same in that, they all touched our hearts and we miss them all everyday.   

THE TREES KEEP SECRETS......

I enjoy trees in all of their glory in spring, summer and fall.  But, I enjoy them the most in the winter when they are without their colors, blossoms and fruit.  I love that they are quiet and resting, just watching the world.  I examine their lines and their armor.  Their wounded exterior tells a story, and being a writer, I make up a story about their life and the events that have occurred in and/or around them.  One of the trees on our farm is so twisted and contorted that it appears to be bent at the knees.  When it was a young tree with high hopes of becoming tall and beautiful, the winds began, and never stopped.  Winds coming from every direction forced the young tree to turn as quickly as possible to try and protect it's self.  The years created it's permanent shape as it grew older and thicker.  The winds could no longer shape this tree, this bent over posture became the destiny that nature had dealt it.  I watch from the window as squirrels jump onto this tree and rest in various places.  Birds land on it and crack open sunflower seeds that they snatched from the seed basket.  It has become a familiar tree to so many visitors.  A tried and true friend and favorite stopping place for migrating birds.  Another tree that I love to look at has so many knots and interesting hiding places.  I am sure that during driving rains and cold winter snows, many a bird has tucked itself into one of the holes to wait out the storm.  In the summer months, I envision that a member of the faerie realm takes over the protected space and conducts their overseeing of garden activities from there.  Their sweet voices and conversations become part of this tree.  Familiar voices and songs that only the tree knows and recognizes.  I've tried to restrain myself but, on several occasions, I've stuck my finger in a few of the openings and have found feathers, sunflower seed shells and dust from the breakdown of the wood.  I always want to find a lost miniature shoe or a forgotten tiny wand.
 I love that trees serve as protection for wildlife and meeting places for the faerie realm.  When I am near the trees, I try to look away, whistle and sing quietly so that I don't scare anyone that might be hiding there.  I like to think that they are there, feeling safe and enjoying or giggling at my silly songs.  I am a believer, and that belief makes my love of trees and their lives all that more special.  They've heard so many stories and have been a part of so many lives. They are the keepers of secrets.  Secrets that will remain within them, forever....

THE PAST AND PRESENT LIFE OF AN ABANDONED FARM

Every morning, for years, I would drive past this abandoned farm.  I could have gone straight out to the highway and had a shorter commute to work, but I preferred to go the scenic route through a State Park that abuts our farm.  When I would come upon this farm, I'd often pull over and imagine the good times and the bad times that this farm had probably seen over the years.  From the broken sections of wire fences you could picture where the animals were kept, where the garden was planted  and where the once pruned apple trees produced fresh apples for summer eating and canned apples for the long winter.

  I'm sure there were happy times at this family farm.  Celebrations when there was a good corn and bean crop, close times when there was a birth of a healthy child.  Everyone running outside and throwing hands to the sky when a much needed rain shower would finally arrive during a dry season.  Fun times picking apples, pie making and putting up the sweet fruit for the longer winter months.  Probably, but hopefully not, an equal amount of hard times and sad times were had there also.  Extreme weather conditions that were so stressful both physically and mentally, fires in the home and in the barns where hay can smolder and destroy buildings and trap animals, and probably illnesses.  The isolation due to hard conditions and really no time to be anywhere else, the sad deaths of young and old and crop destruction because of bugs, birds and deer.  

I could see the animal tracks in the snow in the colder seasons and also the worn dirt trails through the grasses in the warmer seasons.  The wild life would usually follow the same paths through the open fields and then disappear into the woods.  The deer would forage and walk the corn fields during the evening hours finding any kernels of corn or beans left from the last crop and then find a safe, cool place to sleep in the summer and a heavy pine bough to lie beneath to sleep protected from the cold and snow in the winter.  Since no one had lived on or operated this farm in years, the deer have found this to be a quiet, safe place to give birth and raise their young.  There is a small stream near one of the many sheds which made this a perfect spot for a family and now also for wild life. 

 The house is located on the highest part of the property which saved the home from flooding when there were driving winds and rains and the water level rose in nearby rivers and lakes.  This farm house felt every drop of rain, every strike of lightening and thunder clap and received a ruthless beating from hail storms.  It is still standing strong having survived years of winds that ranged from warm summer breezes to strong relentless blasts of tornado strength winds.  

Farm life is not easy today and it certainly was not easy when this farm was in operation.  Never a day off, always watching the weather, always hoping and praying for more rain or less rain always worried about food and family.  And yet, small farms like this still survive and generation after generation continue to live and love the farm life. 

 I noticed in December that there was a wreath affixed in the upper arch of the barn face.  I wonder whether someone like me that looks at this farm each day just put it up because they felt it needed something happy or if someone has actually either purchased or someone in the family has decided to bring it back to it's former glory.  I will be anxious to see...I'm just glad either way that it received some attention...a lot of years have passed without the sounds of a family or farm animals, the sounds this farm knows deep within it's soul..

LITTLE MR. JJ'S JOURNEY IN LIFE

JJ at a few days old

JJ visiting some folks that are not able to visit our farm

JJ on his feet within a few days

Taking over one of the dog beds

Late one night, on the coldest night of the year, we received a phone call that would forever change our lives.  There was a little boy lamb born the evening before, and his mother was not attending to him.  She had not cleaned or nursed him.  He was wet, cold and not going to make it. We agreed that knowing this, we just couldn't let this little guy die.  Grabbing towels, warming our truck, we took off into the freezing night, talking about this poor little guys entrance into this world.  We kept assuring each other that if he were still alive, we would do everything we could to give him a good life.  When we pulled into the driveway of our neighbor's farm, we jumped out with flashlights and started searching for this tiny icicle.  We couldn't find him initially, but after really going over the whole barn , we found him lying on ice in the corner.  My heart just sank.  It didn't look like he was moving at all, he didn't respond to my picking him up.  I grabbed him and put him inside my coat and ran to our truck.   I wrapped he and I in the towels so that he could feel my body heat.  I kept rubbing him and talking to him and finally I thought that I felt a tiny movement.  Or, maybe I just wanted to feel any movement.   He had somehow survived more than 24 hours in wind chill of way below zero with no protection.  I kept wanting to look at him and see if I saw any movement, a breath, anything.  But, I didn't want to move him away from the warmth that I had created for him.   When we reached our farm, I took him inside, didn't know if this was something that I should do, but I didn't think that we could do much more damage than he had already been through, but I plugged in a heating pad and put it inside the towels with him.  I ran warm water in my jacuzzi and planned on putting him in.  I knew enough to not turn the jets on (city girl living in the country remember).  Asked my husband to find an eye dropper and clean it and mix some concoction together with what we had that would not hopefully harm him.  He boiled water and let it cool, added powdered milk, yogurt and honey together.....sounded okay.  Meanwhile, he started to move around under the towels.  I carried him to the jacuzzi and dipped his feet in (they are unbelievably cute and tiny).  His foot jerked and I knew we were changing directions and heading towards life.   Inch by inch, I immursed him into the warm water.  He struggled a bit, I'm sure this was all rather frightening to him.  I kept talking to him and rubbing him with a warm wash cloth and pouring the warm water over him.  My bathroom door closed, heat light on, it was now about 80 degrees in there.  It felt good to me, and hopefully even better to him.  After I cleaned off all of the barn and birth debris, I wrapped him in a clean, warm towel.  My husband came in with the warm concoction and the eye dropper.  He inquired as to how this little guy was doing, and then said he couldn't take the heat in the bathroom.  He's a contractor, works outside a lot, our thermostat is usually set at about 65 degrees or he's uncomfortable.  Me, I wear a few layers and we survive happily together.   I took an eye dropper and dripped little drops of this warm, sweet liquid into his mouth making sure that he would not aspirate.  I just kept rocking, rubbing, reassuring and dripping liquid into his mouth.  Finally, one eye opened and looked up at me.  After telling him "Hello", I snuggled him close, and we slept together in that hot bathroom for the next few hours.  My husband was able to take an hour in the morning and stay with"JJ" the name I selected at 3 a.m.  I dressed and drove to the farm store.  They usually try and sell me everything because I'm one of those "Chicago people" who would believe anything that they would say.  Believe me, we have every kind of bird seed that any bird in the world might want, food for the squirrels and another possible animal that might wander through our farm.  But this time, I knew what I wanted and nothing more.  They tried to sell me a bucket with nipples, a huge bottle with a huge nipple and several other things.  I grabbed a bag of Lamb Replacer and bought a bottle of lemonade out of the cooler, paid and I was out the door.  Made those guys wonder, I'm sure.  Not such easy pickings anymore.  I was on a mission.  Went to the drug store and bought baby bottle nipples and I was headed home.  When I got home JJ was sound asleep, wrapped in a towel, in one of dogs beds with our dogs lying near.  I heated up a needle and made the opening in the nipple slightly larger and was determined to get some food into this baby.   I started out very gently poking his mouth with the warm nipple, squeezing the warm, sweet liquid out, hoping that he would instantly know what to do.  He did not.  So, I had to get a bit more insistent that he really needed to learn this sucking thing sooner than later  Every 15 minutes or so, I would pick him up and poke the warm nipple at his mouth and try and fit it in when he would open his mouth.   That took most of the day, but by the next morning, he definitely had the idea.    He loved his bottle, was hopping and running everywhere. Our dogs were not sure what to think, but they seemed to enjoy him from the couches.   We were so happy watching this little guy begin his life.  His little quiet noises became full fledged bleating.  When it was time to eat, he would bump the back of our legs to let us know it was time.  After a few days, I would let him stand at the open door with me when I would let the dogs out so that he would start being exposed to something other than our house.  Even though it was fun watching him while I took a bath, he couldn't live in there forever.  He would venture out and then run back in when the dogs would come back.  They were in and out pretty quickly on these freezing days.     One day, I wrapped JJ up in a blanket and took him to a wonderful place where older folks reside and thought that it would be a treat for them to hold and feed this little love.  It was, he received so many kisses and hugs and everyone wanted to feed him his bottle.  What a great day!  He's a survivor, made it against all odds and we had the honor of helping him live and thrive.
 Like I said, that night changed our life, in an incredibly positive way.   First we acquired a 'friend' for JJ and than rescued  several other lambs.  We've taken in older sheep that were no longer wanted or needed by others.  We love them all, they all have names and we now have approximately 30 sheep.  We had to do a lot of temporary things, fencing, heated buckets, etc. but now we are in pretty good shape as far as a feeding, housing and ample grazing area for them.  There is nothing more calming than to sit and watch our sheep, there is such a peace about them.....we love our sheep....I'm learning to felt their fiber when they are sheared in the spring and we always look forward to all of our new babies each year....and we still have an open door for lambs like JJ or older lambs that need a place to live out their lives......

This is JJ at three years old...he's quite the guy!  

COUNTRY LIVING IS THE BEST.......

As colder weather approaches, we assemble the added equipment to make our outdoor animals lives as pleasant as possible....heated water buckets, big fluffy hay as bedding to sleep in and eat, extra food for warmth and extending our daily visits to let them know that we are still around (not just snuggled up in the house).  Even though we know that they are naturally equipped to withstand cold, actually better than warm or hot weather, the mama in me still wants to go out and cover them each night and make sure that all is well with my barn animals.  We have heat lights and smaller pens available for the possibility of some cold weather lambs being born for mama and baby(s) to begin their new lives undisturbed by other curious sheep.  Also, lamb replacer, bottles and an indoor room for the possible lamb that needs a human mom for awhile.  (it's my bathroom, an improvised pop bottle and two indoor dogs that have put up with these babies before).  The bottle-fed lambs always hold a special place in my heart.  That's how we started raising sheep.  Our first lamb came to us...we named her BaaBaa...when a neighbor did not have the desire or time to raise a lamb that was rejected by it's mom (some are not good moms, some are just too young...really need to develop a good breeding program for the health and well being of your herd...we are learning everyday).  And then there was a 2nd one, a third....6 all together...so, we became sheep herders...with a bunch of sheep that began their lives in a house, sleeping in dog beds and being snuggled constantly...they have also been to nursing homes (mom is in that field) to receive additional love from residents.  Now, we are up to approx. 30- sheep and we love each and everyone.  We have learned a lot about sheep and know that as cute as lambs are, we don't want to just keeping adding babies to the herd every year.  We had our vet come for the afternoon to castrate...I couldn't watch....all of our males in hopes that we would not just keep adding to the sheep world.  One strong, young male got through the barrier....and our vet said, "Well, there's your breeder".....and so....we are adding to the sheep world...in a controlled, healthy program.  We did, after a few more lambs, catch the runner and castrate him.  We do shear our sheep as they have beautiful fiber....and I am saving the fiber to wash and felt.  Getting closer to that project everyday....mostly mentally so far...saving ideas off of Pinterest for creating with felt and actually set up a washing area for the fiber......so, it might just happen. 

My husband and I definitely found our true calling in the country.  We love everything about it.

Just a few of our wonderful sheep.....