Everyone loves puppies. They are so cute with their fat little bellies and their puppy breath. They play so hard and then fall fast asleep. They grow so quickly and get into everything. Then they seem to finally reach a stage where you seem to really start connecting. They know what you're saying and they actually respond to some of the things you say, much to your pleasure and amazement. They really become your pal. They watch for you each day when they know it's about time for you to come home. They wiggle their butts off, when you walk through the door. They'll go anywhere with you, they just want to be with you. You teach them tricks and in return they teach you love, patience, devotion and loyalty. They don't ask for much but give you so much more in return. They sense when you need them near and also when they should give you some space. One day you notice that they are aging, happens all too soon. Then that one day comes when you sense that something is wrong...you're hoping it's something minor and will be better tomorrow. But, when it isn't you make an appointment to see their Vet and again hope that it's really nothing. But, when it is, you have to make decisions that you never feel ready to make. It seems easy enough to say that you want what is best for your pal, that you don't want them to suffer, out loud, but inside you feel sick and weep saying, No, please don't let this be so. I just want to go on like we always have, I don't want to be without you. You go home and know that you have the options to think about. You don't want to decide, you don't want to think about it. You just want your buddy to walk with you, put his or her face in your lap and please tell you what to do. But, they can't. You took them into your life and you knew that you would have to make decisions about their life. But you only wanted it to be about what color collar to buy, if you should buy them a sweater for winter, not a decision about when they should no longer live. You just want to hold them forever and make everything right. You don't want them to suffer, but as long as they are with you, you don't feel like the absolute worst has happened yet. We have had many dogs, but this story is about Mickie, the white and tan mix. Mickie arrived at our house one day in a basket. She had the longest ears and the longest nose. She was one of the 13 puppies of my daughter's dog. I told my daughter to pick one out for us and have her brother, my son, drop it off. So, he arrived with our Mickie. I did not instantly think that she she was the cutest dog that I had ever seen. I usually like fuzzy pups, she was short haired, she was white and liver colored, had long skinny legs and a long tail. But, anyway, we welcomed her into our menagerie. She immediately began to show us more personality than all of our other dogs put together. She was smart, never chewed anything she wasn't supposed to and just seemed so content and happy. She became the delight of our life. She loved to play catch outside for hours but would quit when you told her to. She always seemed to be cold so we snuggled a lot under blankets and the covers of our bed. I somehow thought that we would have her for a long time. She was so healthy and active. One day, she was dragging one paw. I turned her paw over and picked around to see if she had a thorn or something, but she did not. After a few days her paw hung further and further onto the ground. I thought maybe her shoulder was injured, so I took her to her vet. She had cancer and would have to have her front left leg amputated. The vet said that they would have to do further test to determine if it was just in her shoulder or throughout her whole body. He gave her months to a year and I took it. When I went to pick her up after her surgery, she ran down the hall to me and I wept at the sight. But she was alive and coming home, so I smiled through my tears. She has a good year with us, but eventually her other three limbs swelled up while the rest of her body became skeletal. But, she would lift her head each morning and wag her tail and would want her food and water. I would carry her outside and she would go to the bathroom standing in one place. I knew this could not go on like this forever. I just wanted her to tell me what to do, somehow. I was so lost in pain and sorrow with the thought of Mickie not being with us anymore. I picked her up one morning to take her out and she couldn't stand. I could hear cracking sounds in her limbs. We had her on pain medications for the last few months, but, somehow I just knew today was the day. I called our vet and couldn't even speak, my husband had to take the phone. We carried her to the car and drove to the vet. The staff was so kind and cried with us. They asked if we wanted to stay. I thought that I could, but I couldn't. I wanted to run away with my Mickie, I couldn't stand it. I hugged her and told her how much I loved her and how I hoped that she would understand and forgive me. I felt so guilty...for everything...I looked back at the moment that she was looking around the vet assistant, directly at me. I don't know if she was telling me that it was okay or to please not leave her. We left and I just wanted to go back. I didn't want them to follow through...but I knew they already had. We had her cremated and collected our Mickie a week later. She is sitting on my desk next to my computer at this moment. It's been a few years. I still get a catch in my throat and cry many tears every time I hear her name, see a picture or think of her. I miss you Mickie, please have fun running around on all four of your legs. Please don't forget me....I'll never forget you.
Since Mickie passed, we've also lost Annie, our English Golden Retriever and Peanut, our 19 year old Terrier mix. We've loved them all....it's just a bit different with Mickie. She was younger and should have had so many more good ball catching years ahead of her. But, the same in that, they all touched our hearts and we miss them all everyday.
