I am a writer and general overall ' people watcher' so this daily activity is not new to me. I have one published book under my belt and another that is currently going through the publishing process with a Literary Agent. In my various professions and my love of a good story - I glean voices, facial expressions and stories from everyone I meet or have known. I watch strangers that are interesting to me in some way, on my daily travels. I am very observant of others, (without starring I hope) and I often watch people's faces as they speak. I listen to the tone of their voices and especially what kind of laugh they have. I love a good hearty laugh. I watch the many...many...types of gaits and how people hold themselves. All of these various characteristics will many times inspire me to start writing a new story and/or add a character or event to my many stories that are 'in the process'.
Thinking back to when I was a younger, I remember feeling impatient with older folks and telling myself, 'That will never ever be me'. Older folks still occasionally irritate me even though I am now joining their ranks. They tend to move more slowly, block the aisles in the store while looking through the many choices, and seem to take a lot of time to check out with cards/check or cash. I often wonder if they've always been like this and are now just an exaggerated version of themselves. Or, if they just aren't as aware of other people's need to 'get going". I try to remember that probably they are just doing their best to keep up with their changing life in this always, hard to keep up with, changing world.
I'm trying to learn as much as I can about this inevitable transition time in everyone's life. Not everyone has been fortunate enough to live this long to actually experience it. I'm used to being a mom, wife, student, businesswoman and person who worked my entire life. Thinking about retiring always seemed like the dream. So, I did it three times. When I retired from my main profession (Social Services), I immediately went back into the nursing field and then when we relocated, I worked at a busy, great deli/catering business. Now I think I am really retired (although I do a lot of volunteering for local organizations, and I am getting ready to open up a shoppe on the internet selling crafts that I love to make). Anyway....
When I was feeling impatient with older folks, I don't think I had ever shown that impatience outwardly. I have always held doors and assisted in any way that I could for parents with little kids/babies and also for older people. I have always made eye contact, smiled and said 'Hello", "How are You?" or "Nice day". I am now starting to understand the whole process of getting older and it's not quite as delightful as I used to think it would be. Sure, there are always really nice people that notice that you are older and hold doors, ask if they can help you load lumber into your truck and kindly grab your cart in the parking lot and either use it or take it back to the cart corral. But unfortunately, there are also people that just look through you as though you are invisible. Eventually it might make you feel like you don't matter as much as you used to, or even at all. But we do all matter, and we must never forget that....
My wish would be for all people to view each other as someone that loves, is loved, has a life, a past, enjoys hobbies, has or had a career and is busy figuring out this new life of aging on an everyday basis. And, that we are all just doing the best that we can in this quickly changing stage of our life. I would wish that everyone would know that 'a gentle recognition', a nod, a 'Hello' or a short conversation can make a difference in a person's day and quite possibly in their life. Any small act of kindness makes an older person feel visible again.
I think about the fact that they - everyone - is going to be this older age eventually. I know this is not something that you think about when you are younger, but you will age, your life will change, and you will be treated differently.
Does one ever get used to this treatment, just accept it as part of the cycle of life? And how does it affect you, mentally, emotionally and possibly physically? Do you fight it, get used to it, just go with the flow? Do you allow it to make you sad and thus feel unimportant? Fortunately, this is not true in all cultures - and/or with all people. It is hard to understand why this same person, only an older version, is being treated differently. You are still you and you still matter as much as you ever did....
How do you learn to 'fit in'? You cannot force others to act any different than you did, when you were their age. I think that by just recognizing that the world is really moving quickly and that we are moving slower as we age, helps you to better understand this change And, that we need to just make more age-appropriate choices for ourselves. Choices that feel more comfortable for us at this stage of our life. Acknowledging that we are older and have changed is not a bad thing to admit to oneself. Love that your life has slowed down and that you can now take the time to 'smell the roses' so to speak. Be careful, be safe and try to move with the flow when you have to...but all other times, enjoy the place that you have reached. A place to slow down enough to really think about wonderful times and memories. And, purposefully in an uninterrupted fashion, continue to create those memories for oneself and for our loved ones.
Recognize that your children, grandchildren are still in a busy stage of their life. They are not ignoring you. You can't always have it both ways...doing all of the things that you hoped that they would do and also have all of the time in the world to talk to you and to spend with you. Enjoy creating memories for them in whatever way you find most fulfilling. Whether it be through writing stories, poems, journaling about the past and present, exploring your family's genealogy, learning or doing crafts to make things that they will love. Because whatever you are creating at this time will be very important to them one day when their life slows down and they too will wonder where all of those years went. You wish that you could adequately convey this whole aging process to them, but you really can't. They will have to find out for themselves. Your hope is that you were a good example of a parent, grandparent and older person and that they will have learned from your example. Being a good example will also help you live up to the very best you....
The Grandeur of Age is the Richness of Wisdom that No Youth Can Claim
Aging Gracefully Means Dancing in the Rhythm of Time,
Yet Keeping the Music of Youth Alive
