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My dear mother died over 20 years ago. I had to look in my bible to check the year that she passed as I just couldn't remember how long this world had been without her. It seems like only yesterday that I spoke to her on the phone or how much I loved to see the huge smile on her face when she would see her grandchildren.
There are different reasons that my mom comes into my mind...whether it be a scent, a song, a date, a picture or a place. It always kind of catches me off guard - sometimes I smile at the memory and sometimes it catches in my throat. She has been on my mind a lot these days. I wonder if she's thinking of me also or if something is happening in her heavenly life. Or it may be that I'm getting older and closer to the age that she was when she passed. I'm not consciously aware of that - but maybe somewhere deep inside my soul - I know.
My mom and dad are entombed in a vault in a different state then where I currently live. They are side by side, as they wished. Soon after she passed, I bought a statue of an angel with praying hands. When I saw it, I just knew that it would be a wonderful memory of my mom. We buy fixer upper houses, do the remodel and then sell them. So, we have moved many times since she passed, and she moves with us. I have a sweet memory of my mom every time I catch a glimpse of this angel in my garden. A vision of the thought of her. She is always lovingly placed in my perennial garden to enjoy the sun, a cool rain and the beauty of the flowers around her. When she was with us, she always had a garden, and it was a peaceful place for her. In the winter my angel goes into the potting shed. Soon we will have a green house where she can reside in the winter months. I place her where I can see her and say Good Morning, I love you and miss you, it's a beautiful day, or just talk to her for a while as I tend to my plants. I still have a deep purple violet plant of hers that was in the middle of the kitchen table at my birth home. It now sits on a baker's rack, in the window next to my bed.
As I age, I think about if she were still alive. Some of my friends are lucky enough to still have their moms with them, when they are in their 70's and their moms are in their 90's. Aside from the obvious, I would really enjoy her because at my age I now feel like I really understand her so much more than I did when I was in my 50's (when she passed). I now understand the struggles of aging and also the wisdom that comes with reaching my age. I would so enjoy a conversation with her about what I'm experiencing and how I feel about it all, and see her nodding and smiling and saying, "I know". I guess that I do that anyway and picture her listening to me and saying, "I understand". I pass things by her and ask her questions sometimes. I think I already know the answer, after all, she raised me, and I find that we think a lot more alike than I ever realized. She is my mom, whether she is here on earth or in her heavenly home, I will always love her, confide in her and ask for her advice. I feel like she is always near, and I try and live my life accordingly.
